Falling...

Whew! I feel like I have been in a backwards slide this past week!  I keep forgetting to weigh myself in the morning, so have not been able to post my weight this week.  According to the night time reading last night, it appears I have not lost any weight... which in no way surprises me.  I am in a huge funk!  I just don't want to exercise, I have been really craving sugar... sugar... and more sugar, and then salt... salt... and more salt!  I am not kidding, the night before last, I had pop corn and ice cream for dinner. (Yes... I know, this is not good.)

Something to think about:

Motivate Myself Monday

After a super successful December, I need a little kick in the pants this January.  I have prepared some great eating plans, and feel satisfied with what I have been eating (for the most part) but I need to get moving.

One thing I have decided from an accountability standpoint is to weigh-in every Monday.  Thus, the Motivation Monday theme :)  I think this will help keep me more accountable over the weekend, which in the past has been the culprit to some major derailments.

In December, I lost 15 pounds... and put a little back on between Christmas and New Years.  Today, from that -15, I am +3... meaning that I haven't lost any weight this month yet.  My first goal is to lose 50 pounds... and mini goals are to get into the next set of 10's.  I love when that second number is a smaller one... even if it is followed by a 9!

So from that 50 pound goal, I was at -15, and now +3.  To reach my goal, I now have 38 more pounds to lose.
I felt that this quote is fitting :)

Source

And it is especially fitting from a workout perspective... I need to stay on my workout kicks, and stop quitting!  My workout goal is to be able to jog again... not fast, not super far... but I would like to be able to go for a 4 mile run without stopping.

I know all about regret... I look at pictures from even a few years ago, and I think, "How did I get here?"
Good thing I am ready to bite the bullet and move forward... its all about being the best version of me I can be!

Big Mini-Goal #1

Do you have a picture in your head of what you look like?  I do...

Me in San Francisco for our "Mini-Moon"- 2006

And still on our Mini-Moon, in Sonoma Valley

 Unfortunately, the "me" I see, is not the me anyone else sees.  The funny thing is that I was so disappointed in myself for being at this weight when I got married... and now I would give about anything to be back here again... even though it is far from my ideal, or even a healthy weight.
 
One of the things I NEVER do is take full body pictures of myself.  In fact I avoid pictures of myself whenever possible, because I am embarrassed about where I am at right now.  Pretty sure I am going to regret this at some point because I would love some more mommy and baby photos.  One thing I plan to do is take full body photos of what I look like right now... which I will share at some point.  Just not yet.

My goal right now? It is a big "mini" goal.  Get back to my weight from 5 years ago.  Even though it is still not my ideal, it does include losing about 20% of my current weight... enough to be medically significant, and enough to make myself feel quite a bit better about myself.

So.  I have my eating plan down and decided on... next up... the workout plan!

Thanks to those out there encouraging me along the way!

A bit of a let down.

I had my appointment with the dietitian at the Center for Health and Fitness today... and really I was a little disappointed. Most of what we talked about I already knew. But... I am going to stick to the plan (whatever we adjust it to be) for the next 6 weeks though and see where I end up. Right now, my plan includes eating 6 times a day, while staying within 1000-1200 calories a day. I am to also to try to get about 56 grams of protein in, and limit my carbs to those found in fruits and veggies. Sometimes I can trade a whole grain in for a fruit. Some of my meals will be in the form of meal replacements (they use Optifast).

So basically, I will be eating the same as I was on the detox, but will need to add back more protein forms (for example including beans, nuts, etc).

Some of why I am down is that I gained back some of the weight I lost before Christmas. The other part is that I have SO far to go, I can't even imagine how I am going to accomplish this. And also, if I want to continue this medical weight loss beyond the 6 weeks, it is really expensive to maintain, and the plan moves to either 100% meal replacement, or being allowed to only eat dinner. Gah!

The couple things that did stand out for me is that she talked about losing weight not being a question of will power or self control, but really engineering my environment to ensure my success. This makes total sense to me, being a School Psychologist who works with teachers to engineer environments for kids to ensure their success. I guess this means don't buy crap I shouldn't eat, and have the hubs keep his cupcakes in his beer fridge! It also relates to back when I started the detox unprepared... Keeping the good foods in stock will be a huge help to me.

The other little nugget, was for me to think about this as the weight loss phase of my life... Limit what I am allowed to eat right now and get the weight off.

So, as with the beginning of the detox, I am starting this plan with a hefty dose of skepticism... We will see how it goes... Tomorrow is day one of the weight loss phase of my life!

I can relate.

I was flipping through the channels and stopped to fix my tea, while The Family Guy just happened to be on.  Although I do not regularly watch this show, it gave me pause because the episode is about Chris' struggle to lose weight.  His mother fixed him a plate of vegetables for dinner while everyone else got meatloaf and cake.  He said, "Oh... it tastes like a monkey.  A monkey that's past its prime."  Haha! I feel that way about some vegetables (especially ones that are frozen).  It is so hard to eat healthy when others around are eating comfort foods and sweets!  To help him become motivated to exercise, Peter dangled a fishing pole of him with a twinkie attached to it... Chris would run all over the place trying to get at the twinkie.

As I saw that, I thought a lot about how I often "reward" myself with food.  Sometimes I have the mentality, well I did well all day, so I deserve this unhealthy thing.  And the truth is, what I really deserve is to skip the unhealthy food and reward myself in another way.  I saw this on Pinterest, and it gave me pause to think...

Why is bad food such a prize to me?  Why is it that when I am being healthy and eating great, all I can think about is "I can't wait till I lose more weight so I can eat {insert bad food} again!"  I really need to change this thought process... this need to view food as the ultimate prize, because the truth is, when I do decide to treat myself, it is rarely worth it.

A friend said to me, when they are around unhealthy foods, they try to think to themselves, "Am I going to remember this in a few months?"  Sometimes the answer is yes.  I mean it is unrealistic to pass up favorite foods all of the time... and those really awesome desserts people bring out during special occasions?  I mean, come on already.  But more often than not... the answer is no.  I am not going to regret passing up those desserts... but I am going to regret caving in.

As I retrain my thoughts, I really need to remember that.  The way I feel when I cave in... and then the way I feel so amazing when I stick to my guns and enjoy a piece of fruit while drinking tea instead.

Back in the Saddle!

I haven't blogged about my weight loss journey in about two weeks... I am sure you can guess what that means.  Well, actually it means a couple of things.  First, is that a couple days before Christmas I sort of fell off the wagon.  Not as bad as in the past, but I allowed myself some treats, and to eat bread and cheese again.  I didn't work out that whole week after Christmas either.  Bad! 

But I did learn something about myself again... I can honestly say that sugar overload bothers my stomach, and too much cheese is not my friend.  My stomach felt blegh, and I had trouble sleeping those nights I over did it.  Now if I could just remember that the next time I feel the need for stuffed pizza!

Then I was trying to decide what "my plan" was... you know, that New Year's plan to go along with the resolution to loose all of your weight this year?  I couldn't decide what to do.  Should I go on weight watchers again? Try to just keep going with my purification diet and add back a couple of food groups? Try out South Beach again?  I still don't think I have a clear plan in mind, but I can tell you that THIS is what my plan does include:

Via Pinterest, via Tumblr

I am going to give it twelve weeks, then re-evaluate what I am doing, and make changes where I need to. So I am on week one... my goal for the next week is to eat as I was on my detox.  That is the 1 cup lentils or 1/2 cup  brown rice, all the veggies I want, all the fruit I want (as long as I eat 2 Xs the number of veggies), protein shakes, and a small amount of chicken or fish.  I plan to weigh in on Mondays in order to help keep me accountable over the weekends.

And beginning next week, and for 6 weeks after that, I am trying something totally new.  Because I bought a Groupon!  On Groupon, there was a deal for a medically monitored weight loss plan at a local Center for Health and Nutrition.  It includes a body analysis, an hour session with a dietitian, and three follow up appointments with the dietitian... and some meal replacement shakes.  I am excited about this, but I truly hope this is not a liquid diet I just signed up for...  because 6 weeks of just drinking liquids would make me very grumpy!  Anyway, my first appointment is on Wednesday next week, fingers crossed that this helps!

So... my New Year's resolution in the area of health is just that... to become a healthier person by loosing weight, exercising frequently, and watching my diet. 

I want to be healthy for my daughter, I want to have energy, I want to have more babies and not be so worried about my blood pressure, I want to be able to shop at Anthroplogie and to be able to wear my cute jeans.  I don't want to be tired anymore, or humiliated when out shopping with my mom and sister, and we have to go through the bowels of hell in order to locate the plus size clothes they hide in major department stores (cough, cough... Macy's).  I want to be proud of myself for making progress, and remember,

fromflabbytofit.tumblr.com

 

 

I want to do this for me!

Workin' It... and another lesson I've learned.

This is totally me:

(source)

     I took a couple of new workout classes this week, and although mentally, I might have thought it would look cute giddy-uping like a cowgirl while pretending to whirl a lasso (this was during Piloxing)... in reality it looks like you are having convulsions.  Or are just a huge moron.  Or both.  Thanks goodness for the elderly gentleman trying to do this move, so I was not the only one who looked out of place.  I saw the photo above on Pinterest, and it totally applies to me.  In fact this might have been me as a little girl. There is nothing like a class in a room full of mirrors to douse you with a high dose of reality.
     But I digress... for this week my goal is to work out four times... and as of today, I have worked out three times.  Three times while on my Christmas "break", and while it is my sweets and lazy loungin' time of the year.
     Monday I tried a new class at our park district.  It is called Kettlebell... if you haven't tried it before, you basically lift a ball shaped weight with a handle on it about a million times.  Yep.  One million.  In the class, the "go to exercise" is 3 different sets of exercises that you do while squatting.  You start with 12 of each, then 11, then 10... you get the picture.  You do this between every pyramid of all the other exercises you do, and all exercises follow that 12, 11, 10, etc. format.  It really was a great workout, even though I had to rest my arms a few times.  The great thing about this workout, is that if I go a couple more times, I could totally replicate the workout at home.  And since I like to be cheap when it comes to workouts, this is ideal.
     Yesterday, I tried another class called Piloxing... I was hoping for a little more on the Pilates side, but it was like 98% boxing and 2%  pilates.  My aching muscles from Monday were not thanking me.  And the Piloxing class... was even harder than the Kettlebells.  Seriously, that horsey cowgirl gallop is hard, especially if you have to whirl your imaginary lasso (who comes up with these moves?).  But again, I made it through... all the while cursing my lumpy looking figure in the dance class mirrors.
   What did I learn this week?  Well, for one, with all the success I have had this month, mirrors don't lie.  I still have a long way to go.  I mean a really long way.   But even more importantly, these classes were at 5:30 AM. I woke up at 5 AM on two of my days off... and it felt great.  I loved actually getting up and getting my workouts over with... and loved that I didn't roll over and say, "meh, it was only $5 for the class".
   So in a few minutes, I will shut my computer, and go work out, despite the fact that I would rather read a book.  And in my mind, rather than the holding on to the image of myself during Piloxing, or that little girl above, I will remember this:

(source)

Detox Week Three Recap

Phew!  I made it though the third week.  When I weighed myself, I was down 3 more pounds, for a grand total of -15 pounds these past three weeks.  I am thrilled, although I must say I was hoping for more than 3 pounds this past week.  If I had just lost 1 more  pound, I would have been into my next set of 10s, which would have been my lowest weight for quite some time.  But, I suppose there is always next weeks weigh in!

This past week was a hard one, after feeling really successful with week two.  I felt "not hungry - hungry" a lot this past week... where I wasn't really hungry, but wanted to eat something.  I had a hard time feeling satisfied with my meals, and I was battling a lot of cravings.  My other confession is that I only worked out 3 times this past week, although my goal was for five.  I can't help but wonder if those 2 more workouts would have equaled that one extra pound I was looking for.

Besides feeling hungry, there was a couple times I went out to eat and had a hard time finding "legal" food on my diet... restaurants are great at sneaking sugar and butter into their dishes, so even when I ordered what I thought was healthy food, I would think to myself... "hmmm, I think there is butter in here!"

So what to do now?  My plan is to continue to eat as I have been on the purification plan for the rest of the month... with a few exceptions.  I have 3 Christmas parties this week, and while I will not eat every dessert there is to be seen, go up for second helpings of cheesy potatoes, or eat loaves of bread... I am also not going to begrudge myself  a little something off my plan.

Workout goal for this week is four days... woo hoo, I already have one day down!

I should have thought of this ahead of time.

I found one thing harder than initially starting this cleanse and enduring the dry taste of the protein powder (until you get used to it... and then weirdly start to like it).

Being on the cleanse while weathering psycho carb craving roller-coasters because it is "that" time, and all I want is a loaf of bread.

Seriously, I feel like a crazy person.

And then, today was our program's Christmas celebration, and so there were cookies everywhere I turned. Ugh. I need someone to slap me back to reality. I'd ask my husband but he is vacuuming right now. Yes at 7:45 at night. And that is sort of refocusing where I want that slap to land (I am resisting making a winky face here).

Anyway, excuse my little rant... But I am not looking forward to my Sunday weigh in, because usually I gain a few during these days. Not the motivation I am needing! Especially with all of the Christmas parties and family get togethers next week.

And speaking of motivation... Writing about how I am feeling, and receiving the comments and words of encouragement has made all the difference. It is hard to go about this process when feeling like you are doing it all alone! So this is my thanks to those of you that have been encouraging me and trying to make things easier for me these past few weeks!

You Go Girl! Struggling Through Day 17

Yep.  You Go Girl!  This is what my Dad had my mom text me on my way to work out this evening.  It always strikes my funny bone when he takes on valley girl slang.  And after being around my sister and I for all these years, he has some pretty choice terms down for the times we need a little smile.

I think today, that is exactly what I needed.  A little pick me up to let me know that someone is in my corner.  Because despite all the success I have been having, today was a real struggle.  I am wondering if this is partly because I may have accidentally ate sugar?  I went out to that great little shop that I ate at this past Friday... in hopes for more Hearts of Palm Salad.  Unfortunately it was difficult to find something that was "legal" on my plan.  I settled on 3 items that did not appear to have dairy or breading in it, and had their Asian Coleslaw (minus the peanuts, it had no mayo or dairy), Caprese Salad (minus the mozzarella), and Lentils.  After eating part of the coleslaw, I realized the sweetness was more than just due to a special vinegar... and that I probably just ate sugar.  Drat.

Then I tried the lentils, and though I asked, they seemed a little creamy and salty... so then I wondered if I ate butter too... and then my old, "well I already messed up the day, so maybe I should just ____ (insert eat something deliciously naughty here) since I blew it" reared its ugly head, and I have been fighting the mental battle all day.

But I made it home, and made it through dinner.  And because I felt like I messed up, I also worked out for longer than I had planned.  And though today sort of stunk mentally... I am proud of myself for sticking to it in the face of a potential "mess up", and for overcoming those mental barriers that are always there ready to bring me down.

Now that I will take! Detox recap week 2.

Once again... drum roll please...  the final weigh in for week two of my purification diet shows another -7 pounds lost, for a grand total of -12 pounds in two weeks!  I couldn't be more thrilled!  AND I met my week 2 goal of working out 4 days this past week.

One worry I had was whether I am loosing so much weight so quickly because I am starving myself by eating just the fruit and veggies.  So I tracked my calorie intake for several days on a great (free) iPhone app called MyFitnessPal.  Overall, I am eating between 1200-1400 calories a day... so while I am eating low calorie, I am not eating too few calories to sustain myself.

This week, I need to think hard about how I am going to reintroduce foods once the purification is over.  I do want to try to reintroduce slowly so as to not just gain back all this hard work I have put in.  I also want to think about what my diet will look like overall.  Do I want to follow this purification diet for 80% of the time, and then 20% of the time allow myself to eat food not allowed?  Do I want to follow a "clean" diet most of the time, and then follow the purification diet for 1 week out of every month?  Do I pick one "bad" day a week that I allow myself to have things like pizza and pasta?

I will have to think about it.

I do know, that I have to be careful about falling into the "all or nothing" mentality that is so familiar to me.  The "Well, I already blew today so I might as well eat these cookies too".  I think it is important to remember that I am human, and at times I might be somewhere and make the decision to go "off-plan" and that is ok.  I just also have to remember that I do not always have to wait for tomorrow to get back on track.

I am excited to see where I will be at in another week.  I can already tell that my energy level has improved and I feel much better about myself in general.  The bad thing is that although this is great... I still have a lot of work, and a long way to go.  But for now I will focus on the small things, and little victories along the way.

Week 3 goal: Follow plan, and work out 5 days this week.  And remember... I got this!

Sneak Peak

Wow. Today is day 12 of a detox plan I wasn't so sure I could do. I didn't start this plan with my whole heart into it... I was at more of a "we'll see" kind of commitment level. And now I have made it through 12 days of no bread, barely any grains, no dairy, and no sugar.

It is funny, I used to watch The Biggest Loser because it really is inspiring at times. And the trainers would always show the contestants that they CAN do ANYTHING...that they are the only ones standing in the way of themselves. I have found that to be true.

So far, I have shown myself that I can get full on veggies and fruit. That I can eat fruit for dessert and be completely satisfied (especially if I have one of my new loves... Persimmons), that I can drink 64 oz or more of water a day without having to pee every five minutes, that I can have fun at a party without a glass of wine, that I can make it through parties without feasting on sweets and cheese... and that I don't always have to wait until tomorrow to take steps towards fulfilling my goals.

So this morning I hopped on the scale to take a sneak peak of where I was at... I was curious since I changed to the Green Food capsules and am now able to have fish an chicken. And I had a smile on my face. I don't want to reveal until my official weekly weigh in, but so far I think I am going to be a happy camper!

I got this! Detox Week 1 Recap

I made it through my first week!  And... drumroll please... my weigh in reveals -5 lbs.   Hooray!  One week of watching what I eat, has gotten better results than 6 weeks of an intense exercise regimen.  Let's see what happens this week when I combine the two.

For the past week, according to the Standard Process kit directions, I have been taking 2 SP Complete shakes per day, 7 SP Cleanse capsules 3 times per day, and 3 Gastro Fiber capsules 3 times per day.  I also added a parasite cleanser that I got from my Aunt, which is called WRM, and I take 2 dropperfuls of this 3 times per day.  Hey, go big or go home, right?

The hardest part of the capsule regimen is that you have to take them on an empty stomach.  Which means I can take the pills, wait an hour, and then eat, OR I can eat, wait 2 hours, and then take the pills.  I am allowed to take the shake with the pills... but it is unclear if I can still take the shake if I am mixing the powder with fruit so I still try to stagger it.

Starting today, I take 5 capsules of SP Green Food, two times per day (this replaces the SP Cleanse capsules).

I am not going to sugar coat it, this is probably too regimented for some people... and it is hard to do unless you feel pretty committed.  I am proud of myself for making it through both parties yesterday without slipping.  My only "cheat" from my list of foods I am able to eat, is that I have used canned organic tomatoes and organic tomato juice in the Gazpacho and in the Poblano soup... along with organic Vegetable Stock.  I checked the ingredient lists for hidden sugar, oil, or other ingredients besides vegetables, and did not see any so I am ok with this little change (the diet calls for fresh or frozen only).

Thanks for the support!

Day 6 ~ New Goal

Since I started the Detox on Sunday, my official week one weigh in will be in two days.  I am excited (if not apprehensive) about my weigh in, because I am really hoping this diet will help me jump start my weight loss journey more than the month and a half of intense exercising did.

Once again, let me tell you that starting this Detox right now is SO hard!  The temptation is all around me, and it is pretty time consuming to try to process veggies every night for my meals.  It makes it double-difficult to try to process veggies while making dinner for my daughter, while she is hanging on my legs wanting attention.  It makes it triple hard because my dear husband is addicted to both the Food Network and baking sweets, and so I have mouth watering food all around me, constantly.

On the positive note, I think my energy level has been higher lately, and I feel better about myself.  I like to imagine my meals as healthy fuel and vitamins for my body, which is a refreshing change from it being an obsession.  My Goal for Week 2 of this Detox: Get Moving!  Exercise at least 4 days next week.

So for dinner tonight, I made Gazpacho using organic produce.  Not as satisfying as it would be on a hot summer night, but tasty still.

Gazpacho 
1 English Cucumber, halved and de-seeded
4 Roma Tomatoes, cut into 1 inch cubes
Bag of Baby Bell Peppers (you can also use a couple of Red Peppers), cut into pieces
1 Onion (I used a sweet onion, you can also use Red Onion)
3 Cloves garlic, chopped
3 cups of Tomato juice
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup white wine vinegar
Salt, to taste
Fresh Ground Black pepper, to taste

Using a food processor, process each vegetable separately, and place into a large mixing bowl.  It is important to not overdo it while processing, as you want the veggies to be chopped, not pulverized.  Stir in the tomato juice, garlic, olive oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper.

What if? Detox Day 4

Finally.  A good day on this detox plan.  After headaches Monday through Wednesday, my body finally got used to not eating carbs.  Thank goodness... because my carb addition is something straight out of a Chris Farley skit (think 'Lay off me, I'm starving').  As I mentioned previously, beginning this intense of a diet without being more prepared is a terrible idea.  Never do it.  I had to drink a shake with only water and almost ralphed.  The shake is so nasty... not even fruit in it really helps.  Today, I had the time to do a little more grocery shopping, and with the help of a friend I was able to make a fantastic Poblano and Tomato soup.  I actually enjoyed my dinner tonight, despite it being extremely veggie filled and low in calories.  And those nasty shakes?  Taste so much better with a half banana in it!

Here is the recipe (I adapted it from the original version I got from my friend):

2-3 TBS garlic infused olive oil *got from Trader Joe's- SO strong!
              (or: recipe called for 2 T oil, 3 garlic cloves)
1 large onion (I used a sweet onion, like Vidalia)
1 large can of fire roasted tomatoes (or: recipe called for 1.5 lbs tomatoes)
2 Poblano peppers
1 quart vegetable stock
oregano
salt and pepper to taste

Put oil in large pot, sautee onion (and garlic if used) for about 10 minutes, or until translucent
Meanwhile, place poblano peppers on a baking sheet and broil 5-8 minutes
Stem and seed poblanos

Place everything in pot, including oregano, salt, pepper and simmer for 20-30 minutes.  It already looks and smells delicious!

Once through cooking, place entire contents into a blender and blend thoroughly.
Note: do not fill blender too full, or this will happen (especially because it is hot)

After dinner, after feeling all proud of myself for making the easiest soup ever, I even had energy to go work out at the gym.  I love going there once I am there, I just need some motivation.  Luckily, there was motivation running on the treadmill nearby... wink, wink ;-) (sorry hubby!)

But seriously, it was tonight's soup and overall energy level today that made me start to think What If?  What if I really tried to eat like this all of the time?  I would feel so much better about myself, I would be healthier, have energy, and down the road would even be able to once again shop at stores that don't carry clothes for BFGs (big friendly giants for those who have never read Roald Dahl).  Something to think about...

And then I got home.  The husband went on a num-num making bender while I was working out, and there was not one, but TWO different kids of fudge.  And then I started having flashbacks to the lovely Giordano's pizza someone had for lunch while I munched on celery and drank a nasty shake.  And then the hubby was like, "Eat just a little bit of fudge!" (get thee back, devil!) I bet you are wondering, "Did she cheat on the detox?"  Nope! I have willpower, baby!  And I might still be dreaming of 17 days from now when I can eat fudge and pizza, but I am thinking just as much about how in 17 days from now, I might just want to keep up with my celery and healthy soup instead.

Detox Day Two

"Ladies, I have something to tell you... I am doing a detox, I am hungry, and I might be grumpy this week" was the first sentence uttered by me at work today. And although I wasn't grumpy, I WAS hungry. All day. But this is because I started this diet plan without food at home and completely unprepared for a fruit and veggie only diet.

So lesson one: stock up on veggies and fruit, especially frozen fruit that can go into your powder protein drink that tastes like doo doo.

Lesson 2: Put the book down before 2 AM, you psycho reading fiend! Because feeling empty inside, having day 2 of a dull headache, while also being exhausted? Is the worst!

So the saying goes...

I realized that although I started this blog in order to have an outlet to vent about my struggles with weight-loss, I haven't actually written about this subject in quite awhile... last night my family went out sans kids for me, my sister's, and one of my brother's birthdays.  We used to do this all the time, but since my sister had my nephew four years ago, we really haven't gone out "big kids only".  We went to McCormick & Schmick's, one of my old favorites when I lived downtown Chicago.  I always loved their Martinis, and last night was no exception!  I treated myself to a couple of Sidecar Martinis, which are made with brandy (sometimes cognac), triple sec/Cointreau, and lemon juice.  Yum!!

What does this have to do with weight loss?  Absolutely nothing... except that it relates to one of my earlier posts about how I always decide to start "tomorrow", which is how I started to gain all this weight.  It also relates to the fact that I decided to do a detox, or purification after listening to a talk given by a local chiropractor.  I decided to take his advice, and am currently on day one of a 21-day process - smack dab in the middle of the holidays.  Horrible timing, I know.  But I realized today, as my husband was eating Thanksgiving leftovers that I REALLY wanted (and thought about fighting him for giving into), that I should not keep contemplating just starting the detox "tomorrow" in order to eat food that fit my mood.  I know I always feel like I have to hurry and eat something before it is gone and (think this in an ominous voice) I can never ever eat it again, but you know what?  I can always make a small turkey dinner for my family, really any day I feel like it.  Yep, what an epiphany. After all, my favorites are the sides which are not even time consuming.  The world is not currently on a sweet potato shortage, or a stuffing shortage (uh... I hope, or my epiphany will just be a lie).

So, as the saying goes, I actually grabbed the bull by the horns and started my detox.  I am doing the purification system by Standard Process, which seems to be tricky to find, because you have to buy it from an authorized provider and is on the expensive side.  Although I say it is tricky to find, actually I bought mine for less on Amazon (I saved like $60) compared to the chiropractor, but it wasn't the fiber version I had wanted. I also talked with my Aunt Kathie, who is a Naturopathic Doctor, and recommended I add a couple of things.  She is a wealth of knowledge in this area, and I certainly appreciate her helping me (Her practice/natural store would also be a resource for those in the area).  So far, I am hungry, because I was not overly prepared to start... I also have a bit of a headache (this is normal and expected), but I am glad I started today.  In 21 days I can have a glass of wine again... let the countdown begin!

Ideas

I feel like I always get my best ideas for writing just as I am about to go to bed... Then I don't write anything down and don't remember to blog about my thoughts And this is how I go months without a new entry.
The exciting thing is that I lost 3 pounds. And yes I am celebrating the small things. I spent all of September and half October working out like a crazy person and I didn't even loose one stinking pound. So when I hurt my knee, I gave it a rest and have only been managing a couple of work outs a week.
I fluctuate between saying this is okay and being really hard on myself for being a failure. I think about all that I want out of life, and when it comes down to it... I just want to live life fully. Participate in life. Not let it pass me by... Before Ava was born, and even during times when I am not spending time with her, I can admit I haven't always been so good at that.
But changes have been coming! When I think about that - I feel like even if I have not reached any of my weight loss goals, at least I have made more of an effort to make changes in myself :)

Two!

The number of days I worked out this week so far... is two! Two is better than zero, and I still have an opportunity to work out 3 more days this week :) I started off with a brisk walk up and down the hilly part of the golf course, and then moved into following the Couch to 5k routine with running for about a minute and walking for about 90 seconds for 20 minutes. While I was running, I couldn't help but feel good... the temperature was nice for a change, it wasn't raining, AND I went to the bathroom before I worked out.

Yep, the bathroom is key. Not to be gross, but for some reason when lactic acid builds up in my calf muscles, it makes me have to poop. This has always been a problem for me. My stinkin' calf muscles are a huge hurdle for me, one of those things that cause me to pause and want to stay home and eat a bon bon. Because running while having to stop every 30 ft to cross my legs and hold it? ...is no fun. So I was running along, getting into a rhythm, until the familiar build up began. I was able to slide by (pun intended) with letting a little air escape, and I went back to feeling good... until someone lapped me. I was squinting to see who it was, but he was too fast, and it was too dark! I just hope he wasn't running downwind, and I fervently hope it was not my neighbor's husband! When I got home, Jack Sprat wanted to know where I went... and you see, I just don't want to talk about it! Where else would have I gone with my ipod, in my stretchy pants, running shoes, and leg warmers? Just kidding! I don't have leg warmers, but they would be awesome. Maybe I will look for some online, but I digress.

Anyway, mini-goal for the remainder of this month: knock off the sugar! Only Splenda for my coffee. Deal with the withdrawal and then work on my other couple of vices... bread and cheese.

I split my pants...

After being at work all day, coming home and eating a shit ton of cookies, my husband convinces me to go to Trader Joe's. So I do and keep it healthy, all the while thinking to myself "This is it, I am going to eat healthy like those skinny bee-otches that proclaim their undying love for salads." Although I did not, in fact, buy anything to use to make a salad... but that is beside the point.

And sidenote... who the F loves salad? It is cold! You can't warm it to make it be comforting!

Ok- enough... back to my point.

So I think to myself "I will start tomorrow" and decide that since I am going to give up cheese for good, I better get myself something cheesy and bid the lump of delectable cow fat farewell (insert sniff, tear). I pull a sneaky ninja move at the checkout and ask for money over with my debit card... this of course enables me to go buy fast food without Jack Sprat noticing the debit (as I suck at actually carrying cash with me). I think to myself, "Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut drive-through" and motor on over, but not before passing the White Castle and deciding I also needed a small order of Mozzarella sticks.

And yes, I eat them... hey- it isn't the elusive tomorrow, in which I will start over... but I don't want Jack to see me snorking down food as if the apocalypse is coming, so I do my snorking in the car, like usual. Then I felt sick to my stomach... this is because I am lactose intolerant, yet I can't seem to keep away from cheese. I of course have a theory on Women with their Cheese, but that will have to come later, as I already have too many side notes going in this post.

Anyway, so I get home and bring in the groceries... give Jack his lean steak- the original reason I went to good 'ole TJ's- and take a detour into the washroom, where I discover...

... that I had split my pants in front, just below the zipper, yet in full view of the crotchal region. Not quite as bad as the evening of Jock's Nuts, but seriously? The blue paisley panties were in full view.

So here we go again... I know I have said this over and over but thought perhaps I could try using writing as an outlet. Yes, I decided to call my blog Jack Sprat's wife... this is because I feel like that wife that could eat no lean. Or, rather, can eat lean, but only for a couple weeks and then falls back into a rut that results in me feeling too full because I ate too much damn cheese.